Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Away...And Back Again!

I know I've been away and haven't actually posted in more than 3 weeks. I'd been working on a series of posts but then I found out about a family member's passing.

The person who passed was my Great Aunt and a sister to my most beloved Grandmommy. I'd lost touch with her over the past several years when my father moved away. There was that sense of losing touch with that entire place and the pain associated with losing my Grandmother. Certain times I'd see my Grandmommy in my Aunt Clara and it hurt to feel her so close and yet so unreachable. When she laughed and then looked down, I used to see a happier and less troubled version of my Grandmommy and a younger version of her mother, my Grandma Elma.

Actually, both Aunts Ruby and Clara remind me so much of my Grandmommy in different ways that it was hard to be really with them. It was the same with my Uncle Jimmy and my Poppy (my grandpa). It's a convoluted thing though. Because in the end, you just wind up missing time spent with another person you love who can't help that they cut their eyes to the side a certain way, or laugh a familiar laugh or even walk the same as another person.

Nevertheless, I shouldn't have lost touch and just because we think of a person fondly and often doesn't mean they know we think of them fondly and often. It was inexcusable and I felt very guilty since it was now too late to fix. I couldn't even attend the funeral due to obligations here.

Hence, the past couple of weeks have been without posting or doing much online at all. But I can't leave off forever since that never did anyone any good. The best I can do now is to be sure that I don't ever lose touch with those I care about again. To be sure they know I love them. So for my family that comes here to see what I'm up to...I Love You. Aunt Ruby, that does mean you, too!

For all those who are probably embarrassed right now because we've never met, please excuse the family hug.


Kristina said...

I'm glad you're back! I'd been wondering where you'd gone off to.

What do you have planted?

Barb and Steve said...

Sometimes our busy lives gets in the way of what means the most to us. Don't be so hard on yourself.

TheMartianChick said...

It is nice to have you back, but I am so sorry for your loss. Sometimes, we think that we will have more time to re-connect then we actually do. I know that I have felt the same way in the past because I have a really bad habit of procrastinating about things like that.

In the end, I comfort myself with the knowledge that my loved ones are in a place where I can talk to them at any time and rely upon their wise words to guide me as I go through life. They left me a legacy of wisdom. I often find myself using phrases that my grandmother used or recalling stories that she told me as a child. These memories can live on forever in the form of written words, like a book or a poem, or as stories that you tell to someone else.

Don't beat yourself up over this.Your loved ones would NOT want you to feel this way. Not only did you love them, but they also loved you and they would not want you to feel so badly.

Ruralrose said...

i agree totally with Martian - we are designed to be the way we are so fulfill our life's mission - lazy, fat, absent, whatever - time is wasted feeling badly about it - guilt is a weird thing as it really does no good in life - you have a lot on your plate right now it is so easy to beat yourself up - you can feel the connection that passes through from the unseen realm, it is love - it is for you - you are your ancestors and they are you - always and forever - love is all there is

fullfreezer said...

I agree with all the above as well. Don't 'should' on yourself. It's really easy to look back and see other possibilities. But unfortunately, in life, there are no 'do overs'. The best we can do is learn to do better in the future. And please, don't apologize for the family hugs. We all need more of those.
All that said, I'm sorry for your loss. And I'm glad you're back. Thanks for the supportive comments on my blog.

Milah said...

I'm sorry for your loss. Try not to feel guilty for loosing touch with your family. Maybe my heart is calloused, and I don't mean to be that way, but it goes both ways. I live in Indiana and during my childhood my mother would drive us to Kentucky to visit her brother and sister every 3 months. Not once did they ever come to Indiana to see us. When I grew up and had a husband, job and children I no longer made those trips with my mom and I felt quilty for it, then it occured to me that they had never come to visit us....ever. I love them and they gave me wonderful memories from my childhood but I can't feel bad about it.
Good to see you blogging again.

hickchick said...

It's good to have you back! Sorry to hear about your loss...

Walter Jeffries said...

Okay, hugs aside... welcome back! :) Sorry to hear of the passing. Each time it is a reminder of what we have. Don't lose that. It is a gift given in passing.

Over on my piglet post you mentioned how cute they are when they're little.

I think that the cuteness factor is evolutionarily programmed into our brains. Think about cartoon characters, especially animé. The round faces, big eyes, the look... It's all designed to make us want to cuddle them up and take care of them. Otherwise we would get turned off by the obnoxious part of babies. :) It works really well.

These features are deep in our brains, way down past the 'civilized' parts, so deep that we'll take care of other species babies and they'll take care of ours. Thus the stories of Romulus & Remus and all the other wild children. I find it particularly interesting that wolves are the primary domesticators of human children when they find them although bears, cattle, gazelle, monkeys and other species have been said to have done it too.

Of course, then the cute little children grow up and have faces like this and this that only a farmer could love. :) Pig's don't really make good pets, at least not farm pigs, unless you have a farm.[1, 2] even then the feed bill is enormous and the manure management is an issue. Think several tons a year - great if you have a garden though... That was the original reason we got livestock - for the manure. How strange the trail twists... :)

Farmgirl_dk: said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'd like to believe your aunt knows how you felt for her. Regret is a terrible feeling because there is seemingly nothing you can do about it to make it better. It's like worry - another useless emotion that doesn't *do* anything. I love how you've pledged to keep those you love closer to you now.
Again, my thoughts are with you.

ATW said...

Im sorry for your loss. I have been learning alot from your blogs.I wish your family the very best as you all deal with the loss of your Great Aunt.

Jennifer said...

I am so sorry for your loss, but I am glad you are back! I have missed your posts the last few weeks.